Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
