Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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