hotel room ftw
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
