Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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