Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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