So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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