i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
