At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
