everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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