the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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