i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
