She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
