this just has baby written all over it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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