I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
