Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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