I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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