I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My breasts were aching with rage.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
