Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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