I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
