someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
