I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
