She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
