do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
