well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
