What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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