I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
