Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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