Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
