Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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