There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
