I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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