piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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