Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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