Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
