The beer is more important than you right now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
