i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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