I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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