Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
