I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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