I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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