I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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