If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
