like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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