the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
smell my finger.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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