There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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