dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
