apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
