surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
