You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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