I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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