Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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